The Musketeers: We Are The Garrison

Well, here we are. I get the feeling I've enjoyed this final season of The Musketeers more than most, though at the same time there's definitely been something missing from these episodes. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly it is – perhaps the BBC's complete indifference in promoting or even AIRING the show on schedule; perhaps the lack of a decent villain in an action-adventure costume drama; perhaps the shift from strong standalone episodes to a more wonky season-long arc.

The Musketeers: The Prize

First, let's get one thing out of the way: I'm long past the days when I go into meltdown mode over television shows. That happened years ago with the death of Marian on Robin Hood, and what I took from the whole debacle is that it's not worth the time or energy to get over invested in long-running stories that run the risk of (best case scenario) growing stale or (worst case scenario) going completely off the rails.

And as a survivor of both Robin Hood and Merlin, which can be aptly described as precursors to this take on The Musketeers, I can say confidently that this season has still been better than the endings those other shows thought fit to deliver. I've been enjoying the show despite knowing that fandom has been largely dismissive of it – though I've had the advantage of learning in advance some of the season's more dubious creative decisions.

But having said all that, I can understand why viewers would find this episode particularly frustrating, built as it is on two characters who should know better making terrible, terrible decisions.

The Musketeers: Prisoners of War

It's official: my last assignment has been completed and handed in. I have finished my diploma, and there is no more studying left for me to do.

That means there's also no excuse left to keep putting off the last three episodes of The Musketeers, which I've been procrastinating over partly because I don't want to say goodbye, and partly because the fandom seems to be extremely ticked off by what occurs in its final stretch. I've set my expectations accordingly, and all I'm really worried about at this point is Constance. It hasn't been a good year for fictional ladies, and if these writers kill her off they can easily point to the book as justification.

DON'T DO IT.

But I've wasted enough time; let's get this done.

The Musketeers: Fool's Gold

So this episode picked things up at a point I wasn't really expecting it to: with the boys actively chasing down Grimauld only to get waylaid in a secret village of women, where they discover his tragic backstory but not the man himself.

And not before a quick game of good cop/bad cop with one of Grimauld's men, who eventually spills his guts over what direction Grimauld took, and a visit from Sylvie to give them some intel about where Grimauld was born (which he told her a few episodes ago for absolutely no reason save that the writers knew it would come in handy at this precise moment).

The Musketeers: The Death of a Hero

This episode certainly had an ominous title, and I spent most of it terrified for Treville, who seems the most likely to become the show's Sacrificial Lion. But nope, turns out the dead hero was someone quite unexpected.

The opening montage tries to up the suspense with a voiceover by Feron outlining the stalker-like qualities of death, set over a montage of our heroes in what looks like mortal danger. Nope, instead the scenes turn out to be depictions of the Musketeers' various sexual kinks. Or maybe the director's. Seriously.

The Musketeers: To Play the King

I know, it's been so long since my last Musketeers review that the season finale has aired and you probably thought I had given up on the show. Nope, I'm seeing this through to the end – just a bit more slowly than originally expected.

This episode was a whopping fifty-five minutes long, starting with a jail break that focuses on two particular men: an obvious madman who thinks he's the king, and a terrified man who stays crouched in his cell. For future reference, the former is called Boral and the latter Joubert.

Naturally the escape is all part of a nefarious plot involving distractions and chaos and kidnapping. With the Musketeers preoccupied with rounding up the prisoners and holding them in the garrison, Grimauld threatens Joubert with the life of his wife if he doesn't unlock the door he designed to protect the king's treasury.

Okay, some questions. What is this money actually for? Was so Feron could pay off the Dutch financier? If so, where did all the Dutch money go? If not, why didn't he just steal the king's gold in the first place (especially since he has to pay Van Larr a ton of interest)? And what did the original Dutch money get spent on?

Also, why didn't Joubert flee the prison with the rest of the men? And if he had, how would Grimauld have ever found him? And what was he doing in prison in the first place? This is not a particularly well thought-out episode.

The Musketeers: The Queen's Diamonds

I know this review is horribly late, but it's been a pretty awful fortnight for me. It wasn't just international news concerning Brexit and terrorist attacks and tragic deaths both accidental (Anton Yelchin) and intentional (Jo Cox), but my great aunt Isabel passed away. I was quite close to her, and I feel guilty that I kept putting off visiting her in her final week (you keep assuming you have more time) until it was too late.

It's all been enough to trigger a full-blown existential crisis, complete with panic attacks, weeping spells and bouts of depression. If anyone has the answers to God, life and humanity's purpose, please let me know ASAP.

Me, basically.

So with that cheerful lead-in... The Musketeers? If you haven't already left this page in confusion/horror, then know that the simple act of watching an episode of television and writing about it afterwards has been therapeutic. So don't mind me and my emotional collapse – let's talk about the Musketeers!

The Musketeers: Brother in Arms

With the surprise ending to Penny Dreadful I'm down to reviewing just The Musketeers – which is also on its final season. I'm starting to regret complaining that I had too many shows to watch. 

Apparently the airing of this episode was delayed for a week in the UK, and (though I've got all the season downloaded) I decided to be a good little viewer and watch the show at the same pace as everyone else.

I have however heard some of the rumours about what to expect in the coming episodes – and it doesn't sound like this show is going to help raise me out of the gloominess that the Penny Dreadful finale instilled.  

The Musketeers: The Hunger

Okay, that was... rather uninspired. It's not that stealing grain, scapegoating refugees and profiteering off the king is a bad evil plan – just one that makes for an uninteresting story.  

Granted it's only the second episode, and sometimes it takes a while for a new season to find its feet. But I couldn't help but feel that this was a very formulaic episode. The bad guys monologue to each other. The good guys investigate. Someone is thrown in a prison cell. There's a feisty love interest. Some swordfights. The one-off patsy is taken out, but the seasonal bad guy lives on to douche another day.

Could it be that the writes have simply run out of ideas? In which case, it's probably just as well this is the final season.

The Musketeers: Spoils of War

Just as one show ends (The Tunnel) another begins, though the third season of The Musketeers has been jerked around considerably in regards to its airdates. Apparently the entire season has already been broadcast in Turkey – and possibly a few other countries – leading to all sorts of spoilers crossing my dashboard in the preceding months.

Maybe it's just me, but that lack of care makes it difficult to really throw myself back into the story. I watched this episode not as the culmination of a suspenseful build-up, but after noticing a review for the first episode on someone else's Tumblr and realizing: "oh crap, I gotta get onto that."

And as it happens, this season is our last. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed: three strong seasons is nothing to be ashamed of, but I felt The Musketeers had a life-expectancy of at least five (putting it on par with Merlin). Apparently it hasn't been doing as well as I assumed, or perhaps it was just too expensive for its own good.

Still, it's better to end something while it's still engaging than drag it out forever, and we know in advance to savour every moment. 

The Musketeers: Trial and Punishment

So as we discovered last week, most torrent sites (or at least the individuals who provide material for them) seem to be based in Europe, something I'd never given much thought to until America was suddenly a week ahead in the airing of the final two episodes of this season. But we've finally caught up, and what did The Musketeers finale have to offer?

Structured around three consecutive rescues (Constance, Aramis, Queen Anne) and the attempt to get Vargas to spill the dirt on Rochefort's capacity as a spy to King Louis, the whole thing was worthy of a season finale – even if it had more endings than The Lord of the Rings.

The Musketeers: The Accused

Last week I was left scouring the internet for any sign of this episode; turns out that it was delayed thanks to something-or-other taking its timeslot on British television (which was particularly confusing since this episode did air on BBC America, leading to plenty of GIF sets appearing on my dashboard without any sign of it on my usual torrent sites).

But anyway, here we are at this season's penultimate episode. You know, I really enjoy second-to-last episodes. If writers have done their job right, you can begin to see all the disparate threads of the season being drawn together for the big climax. You can be guaranteed a few "big moments" as they get everyone pumped up for the finale. And the funny thing is, even if the last episode does prove to be a disappointment, the one directly preceding it is all about building anticipation, which in some ways is more enjoyable than the payoff. For now, we're left with the possibility that anything could happen in the finale.

The Musketeers: The Prodigal Father

So we finally get our long-awaited Porthos episode! And yet oddly enough, very little of it is actually devoted to Porthos. He's forced to share screen-time with a plot about a brothel selling off kidnapped girls that his father may or may not be complicit in the running of – and just to cap things off, the episode ends on the attempted rape of Queen Anne.

Porthos looks how I feel.

It's... an uncomfortable creative decision to say the least.

The Musketeers: A Marriage of Inconvenience

I've been pretty positive and easy-going with my reviews so far (as I try to be with most things) but this episode definitely veered heavily on the side of "meh." The A plot dealt with an assassination attempt on Princess Louise of Mantua, and the assorted subplots saw Milady get the dirt on Rochefort, Marguerite steal the Queen's crucifix from Aramis, Constance try to break up with her husband, and Treville promise to tell Porthos about his father (which judging from next week's preview seems to involve Liam Cunningham, because of course it does. The only other possibility would have been James Frain).

The Musketeers: Through A Glass Darkly

This week on The Musketeers: Two-Face hosts Die Hard in a planetarium!

As with last week, a fairly predictable story is held up by the dynamics of the characters.  I mean, you can't go wrong with a hostage crisis. Who will crack under pressure? Who will prove themselves a hero? How will they all escape? And did anyone else think Constance and Queen Anne were totally going to make out when they were reunited?

The Musketeers: The Return

Ah, it's this episode. You know the one. It turns up in every single adventure series ever, especially those with a fantasy bent. It happened on Merlin. It happened on The Legend of the Seeker. Also Firefly. And Robin of Sherwood. And Xena Warrior Princess. And probably Hercules: The Legendary Journey as well.

It's the one where a small village is under threat, and the desperate residents seek outside help in attempting to protect themselves and their land. It'll inevitably involve stirring speeches, makeshift barricades, outnumbered good guys and a montage involving Training the Peaceful Villagers. A pretty girl will be menaced, there'll be a few sad deaths of minor characters, and eventually the villains will skulk away with their tails between their legs.

It was inevitable that The Musketeers would eventually tackle this plot, for they have a ready-made candidate for the role of reluctant hero who must embrace his responsibilities and save his tenants.

And he couldn't be more thrilled about it!

The Musketeers: Emilie

Another solid episode, which again is pretty deft in setting a Musketeer-centric standalone A-plot next to a more serialized ensemble B-plot; in this case separating Aramis from the boys to deal with this episode's guest star, and having Athos, Porthos and D'artagnan cope with threats against the Spanish Ambassador.

It all melds together quite nicely; the B-plot is informed by the A-plot (Emilie's preaching puts the Spanish at risk) and the women are utilized very well: Constance, Queen Anne and Milady are all active participants in how the plot unfolds.

Of course, there's still not a lot of emphasis on the central bromance, for it would seem that only one Musketeer is allowed to stand in the spotlight at a time – but then, I'm not solely in it for the bromance (wow, why does that sound so familiar?)

The Musketeers: The Good Traitor

This was a rather patchy episode, with a lot of good scenes strewn across three different storylines that had absolutely nothing to do with each other. As such, all three felt slightly short-changed to some extent, though the show's track record in keeping plots hole-free continues (even if there were a few stretches here and there).

The Musketeers: An Ordinary Man

So I've realized what this show is so good at doing: taking very familiar storylines – in this case King Incognito and Made A Slave (how many times have we seen these plots before?) and shaping them into solid episodes that follow the usual trajectories, but which contain a few surprises thrown in along the way. They know the strengths of whatever tropes they use, when to play them straight and when to subvert them, how to mingle in enough characterization to make them entertaining, and the need for action sequences that are all unique in some way (D'artagnan "jousting" with a man on horseback with only a scarf wrapped around his hand may have been a tad ridiculous, but it's better than watching the same old sword-fights every week).

Why not?

The Musketeers: Keep Your Friends Close

Guess who just got back today?

Them wild-eyed boys that had been away

Haven't changed, haven't much to say

But man, I still think them cats are crazy

I can't have been the only one with that song in my head while watching this. 

The season premiere of The Musketeers had a lot to get through – establishing that the Cardinal had regenerated passed away, ushering in a new villain, and reminding us of (or introducing us to) each individual Musketeer's character arc: that Aramis is the biological father of the infant dauphin, that D'artagnan and Constance's love affair has been foiled by her husband, that Porthos is apparently the son of someone known to Captain Treville, and that Athos is So Done With Everything (Milady did not make an appearance, but it looks like she'll be back next week).   

So. Completely. Done.