The Musketeers: Trial and Punishment

So as we discovered last week, most torrent sites (or at least the individuals who provide material for them) seem to be based in Europe, something I'd never given much thought to until America was suddenly a week ahead in the airing of the final two episodes of this season. But we've finally caught up, and what did The Musketeers finale have to offer?

Structured around three consecutive rescues (Constance, Aramis, Queen Anne) and the attempt to get Vargas to spill the dirt on Rochefort's capacity as a spy to King Louis, the whole thing was worthy of a season finale – even if it had more endings than The Lord of the Rings.

Speaking of film trilogies, the opening rescue sequence was much like The Return of the Jedi, in that the whole thing over and done with before the opening credits. Constance is marched out wearing Eyeshadow of Doom while Aramis broods in prison, but if Treville's blasé demeanour while watching the proceedings wasn't a giveaway that escape was imminent, then the conspicuously masked onlooker should have tipped you off.

Was this part of an ill-fated plan to disguise herself as a raccoon?

It's Athos of course, using the age-old "disguise ourselves as guards who inexplicably cover their faces" ploy, and together with D'artagnan hiding under the execution platform and Treville leaping down from the balcony, they whisk Constance to safety – killing the executioner and at least one guard (both of whom were only doing their jobs) along the way.

Perhaps to make up for the fact that she was once again damselled in a season finale, Constance is allowed to accompany the boys on their mission to provide Porthos with backup. They even give her the dignity of pointing out the obvious flaw in D'artagnan's Just Kill Him plan ("it's not the man we have to destroy, it's his lies") and having decent motivation that goes beyond mere Feistiness ("Rochefort murdered Lemay in front of my eyes").

Oh Constance, you radiant sunflower!

I appreciate that the writers made the effort to include her, though you can tell they don't want to go too overboard. She gets to hold a sword at Vargas's throat and make a girl-power statement while doing so, but that's only after the boys have surrounded him. Later she's given the chance to thwack Rochefort in the side, only for Aramis to immediately usher her back to safety. It's a bit amusing really – it's like the writers know the importance of giving their female characters things to do, but they're simultaneously afraid that in doing so they'll upstage the boys.  

While we ponder the on-going balancing act of gender equality in period pieces, let's take a moment to appreciate these dresses:

So the Queen is now truly isolated, though the sight of an open door gives her the opportunity to make a run to her husband's side and beseech him for clemency (reminding me of Catherine Howard's panicked sprint toward a similar purpose in The Tudors). She almost gets through to him, and I like that they allow for some residue of affection between two people who have no real filial affection, but have probably known each other since childhood.

Unfortunately, once she's escorted out Rochefort drops the adultery/illegitimate child bombshell.

Louis doesn't take it well.

Meanwhile, Porthos the One Man Army meets up with Vargas, taunts him with knowledge of his spy in Louis's court, and proceeds to gleefully pick off the members of his entourage. It’s a pretty good sequence, particularly with the other Musketeers appearing first as shadowy movement in the underbrush, but I think my favourite detail would have to be the look of sheer irritation on Vargas's face (don't you just hate it when you go out to meet someone and all your companions get shot?).

And there's more to come from this guy.

***

Back at the palace, Aramis is being called to give testimony. He's already been told by Rochefort that if he confesses to adultery with the Queen, she and her son will be spared, and it's rather a tense moment when Aramis swears on the Bible. He's faced with a choice: to risk Rochefort's betrayal or lie on oath?

Unfortunately what would have been a very interesting dilemma for this character – to swear on the Bible that he did NOT father the Queen's child, essentially endangering his own soul in his attempt to protect her – is avoided by having him evade the question entirely. He's never forced to give a definitive answer on the subject, which seems like a missed opportunity for a genuinely fascinating ethical conundrum.

So by this point, I'm fed up with Aramis. While in his cell he prays to God, offering a deal that amounts to "get me out of here and I'll join a monastery." Really, Aramis? You'll go to a monastery to avoid death, but not to atone for your numerous sins and the trail of dead women left in your wake? And sure, you could assume that is part of his motivation, but it's certainly never spelt out in any of his dialogue. He comes across as astoundingly selfish, especially for the Musketeer they continually try to pass off as the empathetic and spiritual one.

And of course, there's the simple fact that the episode ends (yes, I'm skipping ahead) with the other three Musketeers galloping off to fetch him back again. So apparently there are going to be no long term consequences for all the shitty things he did this season.

Which brings us to Marguerite. I was hoping for a little redemption here; perhaps some last-minute heroics – but nope. She drank poison and killed herself. The terrible irony of course is that Rochefort blackmailed her by threatening exposure of her affair with Aramis, only to force her to testify against him by confirming their affair – revealing the very thing she had hoped to conceal in the first place. That at least could have been the impetus she needed to think "screw it" and start unravelling the mess she had gotten herself into, but the writers opted for the easy way out – on a Doylistic and Watsonian level.

Heck, after all the arguing between the Musketeers over who would eventually get to take out Rochefort, I wouldn't have been at all opposed to MARGUERITE doing the deed. She deserved it more than any of them.

Another female character to add to the ever-growing "she deserved better" list.

***

So as you may recall, last week I had half-heartedly hoped that Milady would be the one to rescue Constance. It would have been a cool inversion of the events in the book, though it turns out her role in this episode is to spring Aramis from his suddenly guard-less prison cell instead. Okay, I'll take it.

And she does it with THIS expression on her face.

They get to have a fun little exchange regarding each other's mortal sins, each one struggling to get the moral high ground over the other (who wins: the murderer who saves an innocent man, or the treasonous adulterer who prevents her from killing a random guard?) and end up back at Constance's house.

Altogether now – AWWWWWW.

Though Vargas just wants to get this over with.

Athos and Milady have a moment (set to their lovely theme music) in which she regrets her past, tells him she wants to be who she was when they were married, and makes him a fairly ludicrous offer to run away with her to England. Because the writers actually want his decision to contain at least some suspense, he doesn't bring up the obvious reason as to why he would pass up this proposal: all that murdering she got up to since the botched hanging. Because whatever else she may have said in this episode, I feel that a tiny little part of her enjoyed all the violence she inflicted.

Seriously, I ship them and all, but that's a pretty big obstacle to ignore.

So it's back to the palace for the big finish, Vargas in tow to spill the beans to the King. As Rochefort prepares to strangle the Queen after Louis the Eternal Tool reluctantly signs her death warrant, the Musketeers race up the palace stairs: Treville, D'artagnan, Porthos and Athos to deliver Vargas to the King, and Aramis and Constance to rescue the Queen.

Vargas? Is counting the seconds until he can go home.

Okay, it's hard to tell, but he's deliberately slumping against the wall as the others fight and it's hilarious.

It gets a little farcical at this stage, as presumably the writers came to the conclusion that Rochefort had pissed off so many people that they couldn't decide which character should have the honour of killing him. Their answer? Everyone gets a turn!

Aramis stabs him, Constance whacks him in the ribs, Porthos and Athos get in a few nice punches, and D'artagnan gets an extended swordfight for some reason (seriously, why does he get that distinction?) It goes on and on and on until Rochefort is on the floor of the hall, bleeding out. And he's STILL TALKING. Vargas kneels down for a chat. Rochefort addresses the Queen. Everyone stands around staring at him.

I'm beginning to think the writers had half-a-dozen alternative endings for this guy's demise, and when they couldn't agree which one to use, they decided to go with all of them.

Finally, it's over. He's dead. Thank goodness. For a second there, when he looked at Anne, I was afraid she would feel compelled to kneel by his side and comfort him as he died – only for her to veer WAY in the opposite direction by forbidding Aramis to close his eyes in respect. My guess is that she felt cheated that everyone but her got the chance to punch him.

And now comes the ending. All of them. Anne is absolved. Treville is made War Minister. Aramis leaves for the monastery. Constance and D'artagnan are marred. Porthos gets Treville's sword. Athos goes to find Milady, only to discover it's too late. Post-coital newlyweds head downstairs to learn war has been declared on Spain. The boys ride off to fetch Aramis. Whew, made it.

The end...

The end...

The end...

The end...

The end...

Finally!

Miscellaneous Observations:

So after this week's episode of Vikings, it was rather harrowing to have to sit through another woman facing the dire consequences of adultery – though at least Queen Anne made it out with both ears intact.

Despite my vague annoyance that Anne didn’t make the slightest bit of effort to fight back against Rochefort's attempted strangling (she's clearly still wearing jewellery; use it on the other eye girl!) she got in some good verbal jabs. Informing him that she never once thought of him while he was in that Spanish prison earned a fist-pump from me.

So what was in Marguerite's suicide note? A confession? An apology? Rochefort tore it up which means we'll never know – more pertinently neither will Anne or Aramis.  

Whatever they've got planned for next season's villain, please let it be more interesting than Rochefort. Sorry Marc Warren, I loved you in Hustle and Poirot's Five Little Pigs, but this was more like your painful take on Teatime in Hogfather.

I wonder if we'll be seeing the King of Spain soon, particularly in his capacity as Anne's brother. Now THAT would be an interesting plot for her, caught between her husband and brother and their respective countries.

Also? This happened.

So my trifecta of Musketeers/Vikings/Black Sails weekend viewing has come to an end, though on a high note. Although there was some grumblings in fandom that the second season wasn't quite up to the standard of the first, I was pretty much satisfied with what we got here. Granted, some of the camaraderie between the Musketeers went missing as more and more screen-time was devoted to palace intrigue, but it still contained the usual mix of sword fights, gun battles, 17^th century CSI, familiar British thespians, cute guys with varying degrees of angst, and some of my favourite female characters in pretty outfits.

Plus they amped up the UST between Athos and Milady, which was a big plus.

Some of the problems that plagued this season have already been dealt with: Rochefort is dead (hallelujah!), so is Marguerite (We Hardly Knew Ye) and Constance/D'artagnan are married (bringing an end to that particular subplot), and it would seem the writers already have an understanding of how the third season will unfold: war with Spain.

So now we begin the wait for season three...

***

On a final note, a Tumblr post was doing the rounds last week, calling for the inclusion of more female characters in The Musketeers that are not love interests to the boys. Discussion on Tumblr can turn very nasty very quickly, so I wasn't particularly interested in reblogging the post or adding my two cents to the debate, but here on my own blog I feel more confident in discussing the subject.

I wouldn't say this show has a great record with its female characters: they completely dropped the ball on Marguerite, there was that hat-trick of dead female characters in the first three episodes, and I'm not a fan of the way they've handled either Anne/Aramis or Constance/D'artagnan. In the latter case especially, it sticks in the craw that Constance was the one who had to learn to "trust in love" while D'artagnan was making all sorts of awful threats about leaving her if she didn't instantly leap into a relationship with him following the death of her husband.

But for the most part – I'm pretty okay with the way women are treated on this show...? I guess...? Like I said, this is hardly Agent Carter or Orphan Black (or even Sleepy Hollow or The 100) but I've seen a heck of a lot worse in my time.

Maybe that's damning with faint praise, but for a show that stars four male characters, with three more in the opening credits (making it a ratio of 7:3 in favour of the men) no one can say that Constance, Queen Anne or Milady have been marginalized – neither in singular episodes, or in season-long arcs. Compare that with how Djaq was treated in Robin Hood, or Guinevere in Merlin. Likewise, all three regulars are still alive and kicking, a stark contrast to Marian's I-will-never-stop-complaining-about-this fridging and Morgana's absurdly anti-climactic stabbing.

Then there's the fact that every single episode has featured an original female character in a guest starring capacity. Every single one. That's incredible when you think about it, for other shows certainly don't bother to include that level of representation.

Of course, it's not perfect. Many of these women end up dead. A few are only tangential to the story. There have been only two significant WOC.

But what of that Tumblr post's claim, that they only exist in the capacity of love interests to the main characters? Well, to prove that assertion wrong (and because I recently found a really fun on-line collage maker) here's an image of the significant female characters on this show who have not been romantically interested in any given Musketeer:

That doesn't count the smattering of minor female characters, such Portho's half-sister, Emilie's mother, Sister Theresa, Ninon's companions, the old woman who Aramis questions when Porthos goes missing in The Homecoming, the grieving widow looking for her husband in An Ordinary Man, the old lady that tends to Rochefort's wounded eye in The Accused... you get my drift.

The Tumblr post also doesn't account for the fact that even the female characters which are presented as love interests are hardly defined by that role. Ninon for example was characterized mainly by her love of books, fight for women's education, and incredible wealth (which made her a target for the Cardinal). Catherine was a crack-shot who fended for herself for many years, nursing her complex history with Athos and Thomas, and eventually striking out on her own to hunt down Milady. That she was once intended for Athos seems like a simple way of weaving her into the storyline rather than something that solely defines her.

Even Zoe Tapper's Alice Clerbeaux and Fiona Glascott's Flea were vivacious women who clearly had lives outside their relationship with Porthos, as proven by the fact that each one gives him up to pursue her own interests. Likewise, Aramis expressed interest in Agnes, but she clearly didn't reciprocate.

The same goes for our three main female characters who are involved in romantic entanglements with Athos, Aramis and D'artagnan.  They are hardly defined by these roles, and the post fails to take into account that though Anne and Constance are in relationships with Aramis and D'artagnan respectively, they also have platonic relationships with other men. Constance for example has always had a fun rapport with Aramis, from the slapping in the first season to the hugging in the second, while all the Musketeers are staunchly loyal to Queen Anne, a trait that she recognizes in each of them.

So my point is – I think the show has an above-average treatment of its female characters. Room for improvement of course, but nothing that I can bring myself to complain about for too long (well, except Marguerite. And there's still the chance they may kill off Constance for the sake of D'artagnan's manpain. We'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it).

But for now, given that I recently saw a GIF set of Porthos hugging Aramis with the phrase "bros before hoes" affixed to it, it's safe to say it's not the show so much as the fandom that I worry about.