Xena Warrior Princess: The Furies, Been There Done That, The Dirty Half-Dozen (+ A Solstice Carol)

So here we are, still in lockdown but heading into the third season of Xena Warrior Princess, which contains what are considered some of the very best episodes the show had to offer. There’s the infamous “Rift” arc between Xena and Gabrielle, more flashbacks into our heroine’s dark past, plenty of juicy material for favourite guest characters Callisto, Ares and Aphrodite, and some scripts that are incredibly good – not just in the context of a cheesy swords-and-sorcery show, but genuinely good in regards to the issues they tackle and the creativity with which they’re shot and performed – including the musical episode. 

There’s good stuff ahead of us!

The Furies

Plot: Due to more machinations by Ares, Xena is driven mad by the Furies for the crime of not avenging her father’s death. In the attempt to free her friend from madness, Gabrielle investigates who’s really responsible for murdering Atrius.

First of all, I had to laugh at the opening sequence. I suppose it wasn't all that surprising to have the show open on some cleavage and three grinding, swaying, half-dressed women, but the justification for it was hilarious.

Given that Ares was watching them go at it, I assumed that they were in his stronghold and he was indulging in the sight of some exotic dancers to alleviate his boredom/frustration. That's a weak excuse for some scantily clad females but it made some degree of sense. But then it turns out that he was at their place, and had specifically come "on business." So how exactly did that lead to belly dancing? Did Ares walk in, declare his intentions and then get told: "but first, you must watch us dance!" Is this the traditional way that the Furies conduct business? Do they do this for every guest that comes along?

Sure, why not?

Anywhoo, once all that's out of the way we're left with a slightly strange, reasonably clever, raises-more-questions-than-it-answers plot. I'm not sure why, but it seems a rather strange story with which to open a new season (just as A Comedy of Eros was a strange episode with which to close season 2). It was alternately funny and dark – sometimes both at the same time.

I wasn't hugely comfortable with the idea of Xena's mental illness being initially played for laughs, especially with the uncomfortable flipping from physical comedy to Xena standing stark naked in front of a village of people, threatening to kill them all. And even then, I had to snort at the sight of the bug-eyed little boy that Xena apologizes to before she leaves – the script probably called for him to look scared, but what appeared on-screen was a kid reacting to the fact that he'd just seen his first naked woman.

So in the midst of all this dodgy comedy we get one of Ares's manipulative games. I'm not entirely sure why he would have wanted Xena to remain permanently in a half-crazed state since surely that would ultimately end up being a liability to a god that values SOME degree of strategy and skill (sanity being a necessity for both those things) but at some point Xena manages to grasp some level of self-control in her attempt to outwit him in turn.

Just another day in Xena's brain...

Given some of her harrowing experiences running through the forest and fighting imaginary creatures/Callisto, it was actually quite remarkable in hindsight that she was able to put together a scheme to discredit him in front of the Furies.

That said – is Ares her father? Between his "jealous" comment and her mother's testimony, not to mention the fact that Xena can actually go one-on-one with a god and win, it would seem that even if Ares isn't – then some other god is. (Edit: having written this several years ago, I can now look back with the power of hindsight and note that whatever the the writers may have had for this potential mystery parentage, they never followed through).

Speaking of parents, the dynamic between Xena and Cyrene is quite fascinating. They could have easily taken the typical route and had Cyrene be the only person who could stand up to Xena and reduce her to a timid little girl (something tells me that if Xena had been a male character, this would be the exact vibe the show-runners would have gone for) but it's clear here that the two women simply aren't that comfortable around each other.

I think Cyrene loves her daughter, but is still rather afraid of her and a lot more comfortable when she's well out of the picture. I don't blame her considering Xena's past and Cyrene's awareness that she gave birth to a woman who has caused a lot of pain and suffering, but it would be nice if in future there was a chance for mother and daughter to reconcile properly. As it is, they're still quite formal with each other and you can tell that it's not a normal relationship by any means.

Shedding a little more light on Xena's past and the identity/fate of her father was a nice (albeit confusing) addition to the show, and despite the strangeness of the subject matter, it was a reasonably good way to kick-start the new season.

Been There, Done That

Plot: It’s the Groundhog Day episode! Xena finds herself reawakening on the same day, over and over again, in a village where a feud between two rival families leads to violence on the streets. In each day that passes, someone precious to Xena is killed, leaving her to try and figure out on her own why the day keeps repeating.

I loved this episode. Comedy episodes usually tend to be touch-and-go in regards to their quality, and rely heavily on whether the actors are actually funny. You’ve heard it said that anyone can act sad, but being humorous is a lot more difficult. This wasn't the case here, and seeing Xena gradually get more and more infuriated as the day kept repeating led to some great moments. My favourites:

·         Pre-emptively answering Joxer and Gabrielle's string of questions

·         Killing the rooster

·         Her melt-down when she wakes up on the same day after thinking she's solved the problem

·         Joxer's delighted: "GROUP HUG!"

·         Xena indulging the midwife by eating her muffins

·         Xena rushing out the stable door and sending Joxer flying

·         Killing Joxer (hah!)

·         Xena working out the trajectory of the chakram while a brawl goes on around her

·         Joxer and Gabrielle's baffled silence when Xena explains what's going on in the midst of body contortions

This episode just really clicked. The whole Groundhog Day Loop is a staple storyline in genre television, but despite the familiarity of the plot, the show made it their own by presenting the reason for the loop as a mystery that needed to be solved, and of course, plenty of laughs.

On that first point, there were two particularly clever bits they did with the premise: first by illustrating just how maddening – to the point of being terrifying – it would be to legitimately get caught in a time-loop that never ends, and yet also showing the advantages: that Xena has all the time in the world she needs to gather information, and that anything terrible which happens during the day will be easily set to rights again by nightfall. It was one of those times when the writers actually explore the imaginative possibilities of a scenario.

That the whole thing was brought on by a young man praying to Cupid to ensure that "tomorrow would never come" because of his love for a girl about to kill herself was a reasonably neat idea. There were plenty of clues along the way, what with the feuding families (instantly bringing to mind Romeo and Juliet) and the glimpses of Hermia in the background of several shots. That said, there was a pretty flimsy excuse as to why her boyfriend didn't just tell Xena what was going on straightaway, or why he didn't try to stop his girlfriend from taking the poison himself – but hey, I can live with it.

Regarding Joxer: I don't have any strong opinions on him, though I can see why others would find him so grating. I assume that's why the writers "treated" the audience to not one but two Joxer deaths, one of which is played completely for laughs. And for those that like the guy, the first death is treated with respect and involves Gabrielle getting tearful.

Basically, this one was a lot of fun and seemed to cater to a lot of different fans no matter what their preferences in regards to characters or shipping.

The Dirty Half Dozen

Plot: After Ares brings his young protegee a valuable metal with which to create new weapons and armaments, Xena gathers a selection of her former protegees to combat him, while hopefully putting them back on the straight-and-narrow at the same time.

This episode was okay, with a couple of neat scenes and ideas that just didn't really gel together.

First of all, I rolled my eyes at the surfer-dude warlord, but then appreciated the effort they made in trying to establish him as something a bit more unique than the usual Warlord of the Week: first by showing that he wasn't afraid of Ares, and second by demonstrating that he was actually kind of smart. He went from sneaking up on a guy and trying to scare him (lame) to cross-checking Ares and getting a promise out of him that he wouldn't let his feelings for Xena get in the way of their plans (interesting).

Unfortunately, this also happened....

It also gave us a sense on how Ares interacts with his protegees and how his relationship with Xena might have operated back in the day. This could have been something worth exploring in more depth: an adversary trained by Ares who was a genuine challenge to Xena. As it turned out, this one was undone by his own hubris, though I liked the look Ares threw at Xena after he insisted "I don't need your help!" You knew at that point the kid was a goner.

Another neat idea was that Xena would round up some of her old acolytes in order to go up against a new threat. Problem was, there wasn't that much time to flesh them all out. Glaphyra and Darnelle in particular could have been good guest-stars, but instead their roles just felt a bit cheesy (the bad acting didn't help). Darnelle is bad until he decides to be good for whatever reason, and whose bright idea was it to portray Glaphyra as a man-hater who is "cured" by the end with a kiss and a new boyfriend? Urgh.

Hun, you can do better...

Apparently the two of them were meant to reappear in later episodes, and I have to say I don’t hate that idea, but for whatever reason this never panned out.

I better appreciated the scene with Xena and Gabrielle in the cell in which Glaphyra insults Pedicus's memory and Xena points out that it was a woman who killed him. That had more to say about the battle of the sexes than the daft apple/finger licking scene earlier.

The stalemate scene between the four was pretty funny, as was Glaphyra/Darnelle's "look after Xena"/"princess" comments at the end, but there was a lot of silliness too: Darnelle hit a window with a rock and somehow it opened outwards, Xena's plan on getting captured was neat but relied on the usual "there's only one guard" routine, and I have no idea what they clogged in order to make the building blow up at the end there.

The most interesting bits were the conversations Xena had with Gabrielle regarding the fact that she changed all four of her acolytes from normal people into the killers they are today, and the sense that something similar could have easily happened to Gabrielle had she met Xena pre-redemption. So, which one is it: did Xena change Gabrielle, or did Gabrielle change Xena? Or are people always innately the same? Or does circumstance and/or personal choice change a person and other people have nothing to do with it? This is a central theme going forward into the third season…

***

I’ve recently found out that the first two episodes of this season were actually shot much earlier than the rest, and were originally designed to be part of the show’s second season. When the network cut down on the amount of episodes each season could have, they were each moved to the third. This explains why they feel so oddly placed (much like using A Comedy of Errors as the finale of season two) but also a lot more polished in several respects.

By this point, the writers were moving away from Monsters of the Week and the tactic of throwing things at the wall to see what will stick, and though we never fully move away from those two show traits, The Dirty Half Dozen introduces a sense of greater continuity and thematic cohesion that follows us throughout the rest of the third season: that of old sins coming back to haunt our protagonists, of free will versus fate (or the machinations of the gods) and a much murkier sense of right and wrong.

Oh, and one final thing – in reposting my recaps for last season, I forgot to include A Solstice Carol, the show’s “holiday special”, and take on A Christmas Carol. Here are my brief comments:

Plot: On Solstice Eve, Xena and Gabrielle impersonate the Three Fates to convince the greedy King Silvas not to close down an orphanage.

1. Gabrielle's split-second shift from frantically getting her robe and headpiece in place to a serene floating spirit was timed down to the millisecond and was all the funnier for it. You seldom get to see women play physical comedy, and Renee is great at it.

2. Xena and Gabrielle's faces when the King told his "wife": "you didn't die, you left me!" were priceless.

3. The Hercules puppet was a cute moment, and Xena's little "thank you" to it.

4. The slow-motion pillow fighting with the feathers flying everywhere was ridiculous enough to be hilarious (and I'm pretty sure I saw the cast breaking character and having a laugh).

5. Xena and Gabrielle pass Mary and Joseph on their way out the village, because sure – why not.

6. The final "you're a gift" to Gabrielle was very sweet.