Meta: What Do We Want When We Say "More Female Friendships"?

In no less than three of my fandoms, an interesting discussion on a particular subject has emerged. The fandoms are Stranger Things, Star Wars and Game of Thrones, and the subject is that of friendships between women.

In recent promotional materials and trailers released for all three franchises, there's been an interesting emphasis on female characters, and specifically the relationships they have with each other. The trailer for season three of Stranger Things involved several shots of Eleven and Max hanging out with each other, which is notable considering their only interaction in the second season was Eleven rebuffing Max's offer of a handshake.

On a similar note, there were several still images released for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, which included one of Rey and Rose together. This is notable for two reasons: firstly because the two have never interacted together on-screen, and secondly because there's no image of Rey with either Finn or Poe, two characters she would have greater reason to be pictured with.

Yes, the trailer was very heavy on shots of the official trio, but it still strikes me as significant that of the entire collection of stills, the only one that features Rey interacting with someone is the same one that features Rose (who appears in no other bit of promotion).

Finally, the very first footage we saw of Game of Thrones's season eight was of Daenerys being introduced to Sansa at Winterfell, and the rather cool reception she received. Of all the material they could have selected - the dragons flying overhead, the money-shots of the Unsullied entering the gates, any one of the myriad reunions that take place within its walls, they chose to go with the meeting between two of its female characters, in which even Jon Snow is more of a bystander than a participant.

So it's not just me, right? In all three of these fairly massive franchises, there has been an emphasis - to one degree or another - on the relationships between women. And that interests me.

The cry for more depictions of female friendships has been happening across fandom for years now, even as most of our collective creative output has been devoted to male slash ships or male/female romance. Fandom usually works with what they're given, and that's an overabundance of male friendships/rivalries and heterosexual romance, which I doubt anyone would deny are the two most prolific types of fictional relationships represented in mainstream media.

The fact of the matter is there aren't a lot of female friendships out there, especially not in speculative fiction (which includes the fantasy, sci-fi and horror genres).  

And yet they're an essential part of any film, show or book series aimed at young girls. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to grow up knee-deep in the complex all-girl dramas of The Babysitters Club, Sailor Moon, Jem and the Holograms, The Saddle Club, and the original She-Ra, in which female friendships are not only the focus, but the whole POINT of the stories.

There the status of "best friend" carries genuine power, a girl could feel a whole spectrum of emotions (both good and bad) towards another female peer, and falling out with your squad is the most catastrophic thing that could ever happen in the history of human events.

But once we move into Big Name Franchises that fall under the aforementioned speculative fiction umbrella (such as Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, X-Men, Doctor Who, Merlin, Pokemon, The Chronicles of Narnia, the Arrowverse) all that ends. Even the Disney Princess movies are largely devoid of female friendships, despite their recent emphasis on heroines and girl power. Heck, even when the franchise's merchandising features them grouped together, Roy Disney's inexplicable stipulation that they each exist within their own universe prevented them from interacting with each other until last year's Wreck-It Ralph sequel.

Depictions of female relationships that are central to the plot are few and far between, and any that do manage to get included are usually one of two things: women as total besties, or sworn enemies. That there is a massive spectrum of dynamics between those two extremes is seldom something considered by fandom let alone writers and film-makers.

For the sake of examples, let's take a look at the franchises I mentioned earlier and the lack of female relationships within them. 

For many years Princess Leia was the only woman in the Star Wars galaxy, though she was eventually joined by Padme (who had an assortment of literally interchangable handmaidens), Jyn Erso (Rogue One's Smurfette) and Rey, who has so far only spoken to two other female characters.

In Stranger Things the focus is on the group dynamic between the boys, with Eleven, Joyce, Nancy and Max interacting frequently with brothers/sons/boyfriends/father figures, but barely with each other.

With Game of Thrones, the sheer number of characters ensures that positive female dynamics are more frequent, from Sansa/Arya, Sansa/Margaery, Margaery/Olenna, the Sand Snakes, Sansa/Shae, Daenerys/Missandei, Brienne/Catelyn, Brienne/the Stark girls, Daenerys/Yara, even that single scene of Daenerys/Olenna.

That said, there's also a lot of time spent on female rivalries (any dynamic involving Cersei or Lysa, the early years of Sansa/Arya, the eventual collapse of Sansa/Shae*, and now Sansa/Daenerys - but I'll have more to say on that last one in a bit) and given the show's context there's also infinitely more focus on the men.

*Sansa/Shae is especially galling as the showrunners actually went out of their way to establish a bond between the two women that had no basis in the book, only to completely undermine it when Shae was called to testify against Tyrion and Sansa in circumstances that were never fully explained.

While we're here, let's throw in the Marvel Universe as well. If I say "strong female friendships in the MCU", what immediately springs to mind? Just this year we've had Carol and Maria's decades-spanning friendship, in which Carol eventually reclaims her identity and purpose through her bond with Maria and her daughter.

Then there's the fraught but ultimately loving sisterly relationship between Nebula and Gamora, and... Jane and Darcy, I guess? The women of Black Panther got some good material when it came to interacting with each other, though none could be described as central to the film.

For so many young girls who grow up seeped in books and cartoons which focused on female relationships due to girls being the target audience, it comes as something of a subconscious shock to get older and realize that the larger world of entertainment media isn't all that interested in the subject. But that's a discussion for another day...

My point here is simply to demonstrate that there aren't that many female friendships depicted in speculative fiction, and so it's obvious and natural that women would want to see more of them. And to their credit, it would appear that creators are responding to this demand. Like I said earlier, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that Star Wars and Stranger Things deliberately released footage/stills of Max/Eleven and Rey/Rose as a reaction to this demand.

BUT BUT BUT there's a consequence of this that also bears exploring, and that's an increasingly annoying assumption that just because two women exist on the screen/page together, they absolutely HAVE to become best friends forever.

I remember all the way back in my first fandom, the BBC's Robin Hood, when I bemoaned the lack of friendship between its two female characters: the noble-born Lady Marian and Djaq, a Saracen woman who dressed as a boy and lived among the outlaws.

I searched, but I honestly couldn't find any images
of Marian and Djaq together.

But then another viewer pointed out to me that although Marian and Djaq were allies (being on the same side of the fight against tyranny) they actually had very little in common beyond their gender. And when you cast this attitude into a real-world scenario, you realize just how silly it is to expect ALL women to be best friends ALL of the time.

I'm friends with all my female co-workers, but due to issues of age and personality and common interests, I'm closer to some than I am to others. In the same way, it was perhaps a little weird of me to want or expect Marian and Djaq to become friends despite their vast differences and lack of interaction. Sometimes women just don't have much in common. Sometimes they just don't like each other that much. It happens.

(Of course, in Robin Hood they ended up killing off Marian and writing out Djaq, only to replace them with two new female characters who embodied the Madonna/Whore sides of a love triangle with Robin at its centre. Did it culminate in a cat fight? Yes, it did.)

At the same time, I can still understand where younger me was coming from. The total lack of female friendships has made us desperate. We see two women in the same frame and we're seized by the desire to see them interact. Because again, this ALSO has a bearing on the real world - the idea that women could live without the support, love and understanding of another woman (whether it be a mother, a sister or a friend) is virtually unthinkable to me. Women seek out the companionship of other women. It's just what we do.

I'm arguing with myself on this one, but I'd still like to point out that this "BFFs or nothing" mentality that exists in fandom when it comes to women interacting with each other on the screen or page is incredibly condescending, even as I grasp the strong desire for more female friendships in general.

We've seen a female Steve and Bucky in Carol and Maria: two life-long friends who form the touchstone of the other's life, and whose bond is strong enough to serve as a guiding light for one to refind the other. But when are we going to see a female Tony and Steve, in which two women from opposing backgrounds and with vastly different skill-sets and outlooks on life have a strained but nevertheless grudgingly respectful relationship?

And if we ever do, is fandom going to respond with complaints about how they're being pitted against each other? Because there's actually nothing wrong with pitting women against one another if they're both interesting, three-dimensional characters who have genuinely good reasons to disagree.

But often fandom just doesn't let this happen, and that's the other thing that gets on my nerves. That whenever two women are on opposing sides of a particular debate, whether it be about politics or children or the zombie apocalypse, fandom will inevitably, unavoidably turn it into shipping wank. If two women are at loggerheads, then fandom will find a way to make it All About a Dude.

Again, I get it. We've been pummeled with the Madonna/Whore Complex in thousands upon thousands of stories that divide women into "bad girl" and "good girl" categories. We're also conditioned to look at almost any male/female interaction as foreshadowing for an eventual hook-up, and by extension any introduction of another female character as a potential threat to said hook-up. Enter the dreaded love triangle.

It happens over and over and over again. Heck, it's probably a significant reason why there's such a demand for female friendships in the first place: because we're so sick to death of the alternative (re: my thoughts on Marian and Djaq in Robin Hood, who were replaced by the precise dynamic described in the above paragraph).

And so given the pervasiveness of fandom shipping, and the patterns which repeat themselves so often across storytelling media, any prickly interaction between two women will almost inevitably be seen through the lens of "which one is the good one, and when will her "rightness" be validated by the love of the male protagonist?" We just can't escape the assumption that whenever two women don't get on, it HAS to be because of a dude.

I am of course, talking about Sansa and Daenerys in Game of Thrones.

There are two things that frustrate me about the current discourse surrounding Sansa and Daenerys, as the problem comes from two very different angles.

Firstly, there's the fact that Jonerys and Jonsa shippers are going at it pretty hardcore by this stage, with the former ignoring the fact that there's no way a happy ending is in store for the incestuous rivals to the throne, and the latter clinging to insane conspiracy theories in which everything from hairstyles to embroidery to unrelated comments made by other characters all point to Jon/Sansa being endgame.

(I saw a post that declared Pod's rendition of "Jenny of Oldstones" song was foreshadowing for Jonsa, because Sophie Turner wears a dragonfly bracelet. I don't even know how to begin to fathom that).

So what we're left with is Jonerys shippers angry at Sansa for not immediately accepting her brother's girlfriend (which would strengthen and validate their ship) and Jonsa shippers insisting that Sansa's coolness toward Dany is born of resentment and jealousy (which suggests that their reading of Sansa as in love with Jon is the correct one). Neither side seems to care much about the women themselves, except insofar that their interactions provide evidence for which ship is endgame.

Hey, wouldn't it be cool to remove Jon Snow from the equation entirely and examine these two women as political rivals? Daenerys, who has made it her life's mission to take the Iron Throne and not realizing that her usual charm offensive isn't working on a woman who can see through bullshit a mile away? Sansa, who is so suspicious of anyone who isn't part of her immediate family circle that she's alienating an important ally in her attempt to secure Northern independence?

Isn't that a fascinating dynamic, worthy of discussion and explanation in the show as well as fandom? Yes, but unfortunately such a possibility is beyond the ability of both to achieve. At this point shipping and stanning culture has ensured you can only appreciate ONE of these two women, and anything they say or do is either purely good or totally evil - not for any reason grounded in objective moral discussion, but simply because they're the one doing it.

Like I said, we say want more female relationships in the same way we say we want complex female characters - but having been granted them, we collectively have no idea how to respond to them. As such, it's no wonder that most writers chose the path of least resistance, picking one of the three staple female relationships: besties, enemies, or indifference.

And it's a shame that bonds between women are simplified to that extent. It would have been interesting to see Max and Eleven gradually warm to one another, with Eleven (who remember, was been raised for a year on turgid soap operas) coming to realize the possibilities that friendship with another girl has to offer her.

But unfortunately, fandom's backlash against Eleven initially giving Max the cold shoulder (which made perfect sense in context) will no doubt mean the Duffer brothers will jump straight to the two of them as besties. I mean, the extent to which Max/Eleven's new dynamic was showcased in the trailer indicates a very clear message is being sent from writers to viewers.

Likewise, whatever Star Wars has in store for Rey and Rose, there's a good chance it will manifest as a perfectly bland and pleasant friendship, despite the romantic connections both have had in the past with Finn, and how that could effect any future relationship between them. Does Rose feel inadequate next to a powerful Jedi? Does Rey feel unable to connect as easily to Rose due to her lack of social skills?

It won't matter, as I'm pretty sure J.J. Abrams will want to avoid a Rey/Finn/Rose love triangle, which is what any hint of awkwardness between the two girls would be interpreted as. And I honestly can't blame him. Any nuance or emotional complexity between the two girls will be simplified for the sake of "friendship is magic" because fandom simply cannot handle anything deeper than that.

***

So we're currently in this weird purgatory in which writers and companies have heard the rallying cry for more female friendships loud and clear but are still on uncertain ground when it comes to delivering them. From That Scene in Avengers: Endgame to the choices in images and scenes selected to promote Strangers Things and Star Wars, it's obvious that at the very least, lip-service is being done to answer the demand for women being friends with other women.

And hey, I'm all for seeing more female friendships on-screen and on the page. Why the hell wouldn't I be? Stories in general are still grappling with clichés such as the Black Best Friend, a surplus of love triangles, the lingering stench of the Madonna/Whore Complex, and of course, the pathological need for some male writers to kill off their female leads and insist that they've delivered the most shocking and ingenious twist of all time.

In shows/films/books that still struggle to break the Smurfette Principal, there's naturally going to be a dearth of female relationships throughout pop-culture, which makes the depiction of them all the more precious, and the demand ever-more louder - especially when your favoured genre is sci-fi, fantasy and horror.

And yet on the other hand, it's patronizing and simplistic to say that every female character must always be friends with every woman that crosses their path, regardless of their backgrounds, temperaments, ideologies, ages and personalities. It's a damn shame we're so intent on seeing positive representations of female interaction that we're denying ourselves other dynamics that can be just as fascinating.

A lot of people were hoping (or even expecting) Sansa and Daenerys to get along like a house on fire, which really makes no sense give their political allegiances, and others are just as determined to destroy their complex little dance for the sake of stanning the favourite or supporting their ship. As ever, it's disheartening to see fandom reduce this to its lowest common denominator: either Sansa is a stupid bitch or Daenerys is a power-hungry mad-woman, and the Iron Throne is irrelevant compared to the only prize that matters: Jon Snow.

Who needs misogynists when we're doing all the work for them?

***

But I refuse to crumble under the weight of cynicism, because there is good stuff out there if you know where to look. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena Warrior Princess are obvious early examples of female friendships (Buffy/Willow, Xena/Gabrielle, Aphrodite/Gabrielle) female rivalries (Buffy/Cordelia, Buffy/Faith, Xena/Callisto, Xena/Alti) female love stories (Willow/Tara, Xena/Gabrielle) and even women who didn't have much to do with each other (Willow/Anya - seriously, in four seasons did they even speak to each other?)

Then of course there's Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra, which is a veritable gold-mine of female dynamics, from Katara/Toph, who don't much like each other at first, but whose tension is clearly based in opposing personalities rather than squabbling over a boy, to Azula/Mai/Ty Lee, whose delicate "friendship" is key to Azula's eventual breakdown.

Toph and Katara grew up to be important mentors to Korra, as did Lin and Suyin, who had their own strained sisterly bond. And of course, Korra/Asami. Need I say more? (Of course, fandom initially tried extremely hard to play up the initial rivalries between these four characters, but the show itself was having none of it).

Lost in Space positioned Maureen Robinson and Doctor Smith as the central antagonistic dynamic in the show (though fandom was awful to both of them) and Killing Eve involves an obsessive cat-and-mouse hunt between a MI5 officer and a violent, beautiful assassin.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power includes a similar dynamic (no, really!) between Adora and Catra, former friends turned enemies that still have the ability to get under each other's skin like no one else can, as well as a plethora of other princesses (Glimmer, Mermista, Perfuma, Frosta, Entrapta, Scorpia) who are just beginning to figure out how they can work together. Orphan Black also had a huge variety of female characters, all of whom had a range of intricate relationships with each other, both good and bad.

I recently watched The Umbrella Academy, and was impressed to discover that among the various sibling dynamics, the strained sisterhood between Vanya and Allison is probably the most important of the show, and (if we go back to Marvel) Black Panther did a great job with Shuri, Okoye, Ramonda and Nakia - you could tell the women liked and trusted one another, but they all had other vastly different jobs and interests, which means I seriously doubt they're hanging out on weekends. And that's refreshing in its own way.

I'm also reminded of that amazing episode of The Crown in which Queen Elizabeth meets Jackie Kennedy, and the writing ensures that they're neither rivals nor friends, but something much richer and more fascinating.

The solution to the problem - that fandom can't handle anything more than generic bestie friendships between women - is to flood the market with as many different kinds of female relationships as humanly possible. The more there are, the less difficult it'll become for audiences to fathom their existence, and the sooner we can start enjoying the finer nuances of how women interact with one another, both positively and negatively, without making it all about shipping and/or stanning competitions.

I guess that's my cue to get back to writing...