Xena Warrior Princess: Orphan of War, Remember Nothing, Giant Killer

A new year means a new season of Xena Warrior Princess! I’ll continue to post my back-catalogue of Xena reviews here, three at a time, which make for a nice space-filler between all the rest of the writing I’m trying to catch up on.

As the show moved into its second season, the writers shifted into new territory when it came to Xena’s characterization and her ever-more-convoluted backstory. Most of what we learnt about her in the first season (that she was a damaged, angry teenager who never lost an underlying sense of honour) gets reconfigured here, and we’re shown a Xena who was betrayed and abused to such an extent that she became little more than a feral monster.

There are more long-lost relatives thrown into the mix (as we discover in the very first episode) and many of the guest stars aren’t old friends from “ten years ago” searching for Xena’s help, but rather her past victims that are now seeking revenge, justice, and/or closure.

It would be pointless to try and put a time-frame around all this stuff, and yet the show somehow manages to keep things fairly consistent – in tone, if not details. It’s not the first time long-running shows have tweaked the personality of its main character (Leslie Knope changed drastically between seasons one and two of Parks and Recreation) and even in the midst of Xena’s contradictory flashbacks, Gabrielle’s arc from naïve tagalong to seasoned warrior moves along at a consistent pace.

So here we go, into season two…

Orphan of War

Plot: Xena and Gabrielle come across a young boy called Solan who announces his hatred of Xena, blaming her for the death of his father. She confides in Gabrielle that the boy is her son (unbeknownst to him), left in the care of the centaurs after his father Borias was killed. They eventually work together to defeat a man determined to use the Ixion Stone to turn himself into a powerful centaur.

I watched Orphan of War last night, though I didn't take notes, so this review will be a bit more sporadic than usual.

I already knew about Solan, so the "he's my son" announcement didn't come as a surprise, though I had to roll my eyes a bit. How many secret relatives does Xena have stashed away? A brother, an ex-fiancé, a father (real or not), and now a son.

Knowing that the Solan-and-Borias backstory is going to be important later on didn't make it quite so bad, but still – for a very first time viewer it was probably a bit of a stretch, especially with Xena talking about how she thought about her son every day and how difficult it was to give him up. It’s not too convincing since the writers only made him up at the start of this season.

Still, at least they found a kid with matching blue eyes (and an eerie resemblance to a kid I used to babysit, though that's neither here nor there), even if his acting wasn't quite up to par.

Speaking of bad acting...oy, yet another insanely over the top warlord?? This one looked like a crazed chimpanzee, what with the hair and the extremely bad prosthetics on his face, who was about as threatening as Solan was when he first said: "you've just met your worst enemy." Yeah, Xena's going to be shaking in her boots when faced with these two.

In fact, it was quite hilarious/interesting as to how Lucy played utter boredom opposite the warlord and only showing real vulnerability with her son. That scene in which the warlord enters his tent in order to find Xena already lounging about on his cushions felt like a classic Xena moment. The guy was hopelessly outdone, and his stint as a centaur made me laugh out loud. And then she kills him with a giant crossbow. Mmkay.

Speaking of centaurs, I liked seeing them again (the effects aren't that bad – not good by any means, but not terrible, and it’s cool that the actors shift about on the spot in close-ups in order to suggest a horse's body) and getting a bit more insight on their culture, though the whole thing with the Ixion stone was a bit daft. Who'd have thought that the Ixion stone would be kept in the Ixion temple in the Ixion caves? Remind me, why were they all having such difficulty finding it?

I guess the stone being in Solan's sword was a nice twist, simply because I didn't see it coming – though I should have considering the emphasis on the sword throughout.

I've always had this weird thing about centaurs – specifically, whenever I see a human being riding one of them. I was raised with The Chronicles of Narnia in which it's clearly stated that jumping on a centaur's back is a big no-no unless you're a) invited to, or b) in a time of war. (This came up in the Harry Potter books as well, in which the other centaurs were outraged that Harry was riding Firenze).

So I winced when I saw Gabrielle and then Xena simply jump up on Kaleipus’s back like that. Isn't that incredibly rude? You don't just jump on a human being an expect them to give you a piggy-back ride, and there's something just a little off about a person riding a centaur (maybe I'm just still haunted by the idea of Ephiny/Phantes).

The Gabrielle/Xena and Xena/Solan conflict seemed rather forced: it was there mostly for its own sake and was wrapped up far too easily. Instead of Gabrielle chiding Xena for abandoning her child (even though she clearly gave him up for his own protection) and Solan blaming Xena for his father's death (where did he get that idea?) there could have simply been awkwardness and an inability to communicate properly.

Solan would have worked better if he was just a nice, well-adjusted kid, with Xena being tempted to share the truth of his maternity with him, only to realize that would be selfish. As it was, she came to the same conclusion in these circumstances, but he just seemed to warm up to her too quickly after apparently hating her all his life (for some reason). Like I said, conflict for conflict's sake is never a good idea. But the final shot of Xena walking away from her son, with regret and unhappiness all over her face, was very well played.

Gabrielle seemed oddly low-key in this episode, which is strange for a season opener. Perhaps they should have had a girls-only adventure before heading into the latest convolution's of Xena's family tree.

At least her staff-wielding abilities have improved, though the new (but familiar) midriff-baring top is amazingly impractical.

What exactly was Xena's rescue plan in hoisting Solan up – still in a cage – above the warlord's camp? Wouldn't that just make him a perfect target for the archers?

If they wanted to get across the idea of Kaleipus and Solan having a strong and warm father/son relationship, they probably should have let them share at least ONE scene together, no? Perfect case of breaking the "show, don't tell" rule.

So, not really the best episode, but it seemed to set up a lot of stuff for the future – which I'm looking forward to.

Remember Nothing

Plot: After protecting the Temple of the Fates, the three goddesses give Xena a chance to live a life in which she never became a warrior. She experiences a parallel world in which her younger brother is still alive - but Gabrielle is the slave of a warlord that Xena cannot rescue without resorting to violence.

Ah, it's the ole "main character visits a parallel world in which one aspect of his/her past has been changed, resulting in a profoundly different life that seems wonderful at first, but which must eventually be forsaken in favour of one's true destiny". Surely this storyline has been played out on every single fantasy/sci-fi/supernatural TV show in existence.

But the funny thing is that despite the propensity for this well-trod plot, it will almost always result in an episode that runs the gamut from "good" to "excellent", simply because the premise is so rock-solid. It's always interesting seeing our favourite characters in altered time-lines, it always results in interesting character development, and it always ends up being poignant when the character must choose one life over the other. You really can't go wrong with this story.

As such, we have Xena given the opportunity by the three Fates (someone did their homework, what with their mother/maiden/crone aspects and the presence of a spinning thread shared between the three of them) to regain her life as a village girl had the attack on her home never happened.

Immediately we get a range of pros and cons to the situation. On the plus side: a) the chance for a normal life, b) sparing thousands of lives that have not been lost at Dark!Xena's hands, c) the assuaging of her guilt, and d) the oft-mentioned Lyceus, the brother whose death first spurred her to the dark side.

On the negative side: a) her mother is dead, b) she never met Gabrielle, and c) along with the bad, all her good work in the world never happened either (the warlords are on the loose, the Amazons have been enslaved).

And on the somewhat irrelevant side: a fiancé. Didn't quite grasp the point of this character, and Xena seemed totally nonplussed at his existence.

At this point, there are a few little continuity errors; most obviously - where on earth was Toris? I knew he disappeared entirely after his single episode, but just a throwaway line would have dealt with his absence – such as Lyceus saying that he was off on a journey somewhere (instead we get the nonsensical: "Xena's the only family I have").

That said, it would have been quite cool to see Toris in this scenario, and I'm rather befuddled that they went with this Maphias dude instead of the more logical option of Xena’s older brother. I mean, Maphias even had Toris's mentality of "don't fight – go along to get along". Why switch characters when the first one would have worked so beautifully?

As it was, I quite liked Maphias's character; that of a man who genuinely cared for his friends and fiancée, but who was willing to fold to the enemy in order to keep them safe, and then return to save them, having realized the error of his ways. Again, this would have been a perfect arc for Toris.

Perhaps his absence wasn't so bad if you were watching this show after the season hiatus, but I only saw him three episodes ago. Okay, okay, I'll let it go...

There were some nice touches here and there. I liked the "show, don't tell" moment in which Xena opens the jewellery box on the table and begins to reverently examine some of the jewellery inside: we have no idea of their significance, only that they were special to Xena.

The reappearance of the Fates throughout Xena's experiences was an interesting touch; giving the sense that this was some sort of "test" they had designed for her in order to come to terms with herself and her dark past (they certainly seemed to be goading her into returning to the real time-line).

It was a cute sequence with Gabrielle sabotaging the warlords' food and drink what with the dog saliva and her own spit. Oh, and that slightly ridiculous but somehow wonderful stunt when Xena shoots herself up the chimney. "Superheroes losing their powers" is another oft-trod plot in these types of shows, and although such heroes initially embrace normality, it's always a treat to have them regain their powers and realize that along with duty and responsibility, they can also do some pretty freaking cool stuff. The look on Xena's face as she went flying up said it all, especially after the restraint she had to show earlier in the episode.

And hey, nice continuity on bringing Mezentius and Krykus back again.

But it was Xena who was the real standout here, and we got some fantastic insights into her character. Lucy had some great scenes (especially at her mother's tomb), and it became apparent as the episode went on that three things weigh heavily on Xena's mind: that she shamed her mother with her bloody acts of vengeance, that she pulled Gabrielle out of her village and put her in danger on a daily basis (perhaps a response to her near-death in Is There A Doctor In The House?), and of course, that her brother died when she led him into battle. All these things have been wiped clean in this new life.

But, as always, there are consequences, namely that the Gabrielle in this time-line has not had a happy life. Full points to Renee O'Conner for creating a whole new version of Gabrielle out of thin air who feels like she has a whole history of suffering and pain behind her, and I loved the role-reversal that was going on. Not just the disparity between Xena having never spilled blood whilst Gabrielle rather savagely kills someone at the story's end (more on that later), but that here it was Gabrielle who was the suspicious, stand-offish one, whilst Xena was open-hearted and trying to forge an emotional connection with her.

There were some lovely scenes between them, namely the way Gabrielle would stare at her, as though she could sense that there was something about this woman that rang a faint bell, even though she had no idea what it was.

One thing that struck me as a little odd – or not odd exactly, but just...well, maybe "odd" is the only word for it – is the fact that the story would often leave Xena to dwell on periphery characters, most notably Lyceus and Maphias, but also Gabrielle and the warlords. What these scenes demonstrated is that this wasn't an elaborate illusion created by the Fates to give Xena a life-lesson. This was a real scenario in which other people were living out their lives completely independent of Xena's existence, with no idea whatsoever that their existence in this parallel world rested entirely on her decision.

Watching the rather touching scenes between Lyceus and Maphias for example (which displayed their warm friendship), as well as hearing the set-up for the warlord's plan, Lyceus's attraction to Gabrielle, and even the extras just going about their business, end up being quite disconcerting – simply because they never actually happened, even though we watched them happened. When Xena spilled blood, these scenes not only ceased to exist, but never even happened in the first place. Xena knew nothing of them, and yet... there they were.

I've obviously given this too much thought, but a similar thing happened in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the one where Cordelia makes a wish that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. She ends up in a dystopian alternative-universe that is clearly not an improvement on her prior situation, but strangely enough she (who up until this point had been the protagonist of the episode) is actually killed in this alt-verse, leaving the rest of the characters to continue on without any knowledge whatsoever that they are not living out their "true" lives.

It's quite a chilling scenario, and the "real" timeline is only restored through a leap of faith by one of the other characters, leaving everyone – including Cordelia – with no memory whatsoever of what had happened. Only the audience knows.

A similar thing happened here, and as such, I wonder if this episode would have been improved if it had been a two-parter. As it was, characters like the warlords and Maphias just sort of fell out of the plot. In particular, Maphias's act of bravery in returning to save the others ended up being rather pointless, and I was left wondering what on earth he's doing in the "real" world (and why Xena had never mentioned him before, though I suppose that's a staple part of this show).

Okay, returning from that tangent, I liked that at the start of the episode, Xena questioned whether the world would be a better place if the Warrior Princess wasn't in it – and the Fates gave her a gift by showing her that; no – it wouldn't.

But Xena's final decision to return to the real world didn't rest on that realization: in a way, the choice was ultimately and fundamentally between Lyceus and Gabrielle. Lyceus spent the whole episode dropping anvils about how he's prepared to fight and die for what he believes in, whilst Gabrielle's arc eventually accumulates in a rather chilling scene in which she cold-bloodedly kills a warlord. What's more important to Xena, her brother's life or Gabrielle's "blood innocence"? (or not having to get hitched to Maphias...just kidding).

As it turns out: Gabrielle. In this world she was simply not the Gabrielle that Xena knew and loved, and she wanted her back. So she says goodbye to her brother, and spills blood. Sad yet happy stuff.

Finally, I thought that it was a lovely touch that she returns to the real world with just enough time to block the attack from the young boy; stopping him rather than killing him – which is the one thing she wanted from the Fates in the first place.

So, a great little episode. Though not vitally important to the story-arc, it had a great storyline and character development. Though I think it could have been improved by acknowledgement of Toris and more time with which to explore the implications of Xena returning to her own life (and thus drastically changing the lives not only of herself but everyone), it deserves its place as a fandom classic.

One final thing: Xena states that Lyceus died: "eleven years ago." Why do I get the feeling this is going to cause utter havoc with the continuity later on?

Giant Killer

Plot: Xena faces her old friend Goliath in battle after he refuses to give up the quest to avenge his family.

Another episode, another old friend of Xena's, and this time it's Goliath himself. Being a fan of Gargoyles (which also had a Goliath, albeit not the Biblical one), and recalling this show's take on Abraham and Isaac, I'm not too surprised that their version of Goliath is a semi-gentle giant.

Yet in saying that, the show seemed to have been written by an Evangelist, what with deadly serious commentary on matters of faith, a bona-fide miracle and a recitation of The Lord is My Shepherd. Um, okay.

It didn't really sit well with the subversion of Goliath's characterization as a guy who didn't really want to hurt anybody, but just wanted information about the location of a warlord to avenge his wife and child. Yet he ends up getting killed by a sling-shot anyway, thanks to his old friend Xena passing on the information about how to kill him – what a great friendship!

(Speaking of which, the solution to get Goliath out of his helmet was painful; though I suppose it was an improvement on what I was expecting, which is that he would be too stupid to wear a helmet in the first place).

Honestly, I think I like this show better when it steers away from monotheism and sticks with its own take on the Greek gods and how they to the lead characters. There's already plenty of Greek myths and legends to delve into, and I'm not quite sure why they feel the need to veer away from it (unless I'm miscalculating how much has already been utilized over on Hercules – perhaps the well is beginning to run dry).

So this "Gareth" person who murdered Goliath's family – is he going to turn up at some point, or is that a leaf that is left to wither on the vine?

The giant effects were surprisingly good.

The best part was the short balcony scene between Xena/Gabrielle in which the latter takes the former's hand – and after a short moment, Xena takes it back. Aww.